Sunday, March 6, 2011

Old Money vs. New Money in the NBA



Following last week’s controversial article in the Crimson White concerning Old Money and New Money on our very campus, I would like to state that I do believe in the divide. It is a divide that has deepened as of late. However, it is all out of state due to Alabama’s inefficiency to bring in any professional sports. It is a divide that has split the NBA into two distinct groups. Confrontation is at hand.

These two sides are set for battle. With bounce passes that cut like knives and dunks that can deface any poor soul, the Old Money/New Money divide has gained notorious teams on both sides. While one side is looking towards retirement and the other looking past high school, the NBA and its fans stand in awe.

Old Money, such as the Lakers, Spurs, and Celtics, are listed as favorites year after year. Their production usually comes from rehabilitated knees and old-fashioned technique. They speak of times when they played against the likes of John Stockton and Michael Jordan. In those days, they had to walk to the arena, uphill both ways. The end of their tenure is fast approaching. They’ll most likely retire within the next five years, only to come back, play two years for the Raptors, and further stain their careers.

Fans of Old Money teams have more often than not always been fans of those teams. These fans speak of team experience and live in past championships. Watching Old Money teams play the sport is about as exciting as watching sea urchins procreate. I would rather watch Nicholas Cage act than Tim Duncan bank shots. For some basketball god-forsaken reason, they are at the top at the end of the year. This then means that my sports choices are spring baseball or the 1969 rematch of the same damn Lakers and Celtics team. I am just hoping that it is Sunday so I can aimlessly watch three hours of left turns instead.

New Money, such as the Heat, Thunder, and Knicks, have newly acquired talent that has catapulted them to the top. Their production comes from youth and finesse. They rely on highlight-reel dunks, alley-oops, and trick shots to overcome their opponents. They speak of the time when they went to college for one year (or just high school) and averaged 30+ points a game while taking their team to the Final Four, only to leave and piss off a whole fan base. Their tenure has no end in sight. They’ll most likely grow and develop into Old Money and continue this whole ‘Circle of Life’ with less appealing characters.

Ironically, most people hate New Money teams as well. They claim this hatred is due because of the selfishness of the players and disrespect for the game. This can be seen through the formation of ‘super-teams’ for the purpose of ‘nuclear basketball.’ Also, hosting your own selection show in order to tell the world where you plan on taking your talents is usually looked upon as selfish. The love for the game that has been documented by Old Money and shown through their predecessors is not evident with New Money. It’s as though they took the love for the game and contorted it into self-interest, similar to the way MTV takes love and lets soulless individuals such as Flava Flave and Tila Tequila own it.

One area that was left out of the campus struggle for power between Old Money and New Money was a certain section titled ‘No Money.’ Well, No Money has its own particular place in the NBA. The Kings, Raptors, and Nets all fall under the title. All there is to know about No Money is that they are terrible. They most likely will not rise to power in our lifetimes. Watching them play is about as attractive as Nicholas Cage, if he were cast as the leading role in Black Swan.

The sides are ready. As you recline in your dorm, apartment, or living room as the playoffs approach, notice the differences between Old Money and New Money. Do not hope for compromise. Do not hope for conformity. Only hope for heightened tension and hatred. After you hope for those things, sit back and enjoy, and may Blake Griffin have mercy on your soul.